


The Cage but not really

by ThatDorkBehindTheCurtain



Series: star trek edits [1]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: i cant write so here we are, this is my humor ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-01-31 19:17:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDorkBehindTheCurtain/pseuds/ThatDorkBehindTheCurtain
Summary: I made the cage better. in this installment: spocks eyebrows.





	The Cage but not really

**Author's Note:**

> I dont own star trek  
> i put parenthesies around what i changed

[Bridge]  
SPOCK: Check the circuit.  
TYLER: (It is literally fine.)  
SPOCK: (owo owo captian somethings coming owo)  
TYLER: It could be these meteorites.  
ONE: No, it's something else. There's still something out there.  
TYLER: (Its going to hit us. We will die)  
ONE: (Should we avoid death?)  
PIKE: (no. i crave the abyss of non existence)  
(ONE: Ok edgelord.)  
GARISON: (nvm it's a message)  
PIKE: (So we won't die?)  
(GARISON: no)  
(PIKE: :( )  
GARISON: A ship in trouble making a forced landing, sir. That's it. No other message.  
TYLER: (lmao it's from talos. talos is such a dumb name lmao)  
ONE: (yeah talos is dumb like no one is there)  
SPOCK: Their call letters check with a survey expedition. SS Columbia. It disappeared in that region approximately eighteen years ago.  
TYLER: It would take that long for a radio beam to travel from there to here.  
SPOCK: (According to this computer, i can confirm that talos is indeed dumb. but people are allowed)  
ONE: Then they could still be alive, even after eighteen years.  
PIKE: If they survived the crash.  
SPOCK: (daaadddddyyyy. letttt meeee goooo seeeeee.)  
PIKE: Not without any indication of survivors, no. Continue to the Vega Colony and take care of our own sick and injured first. You have the helm. Maintain present course.  
ONE: Yes, sir.

[Pike's quarters]

BOYCE [On Screen}: Boyce here.  
PIKE: (drop by ;p) (Boyce enters with bag) What's that? (have i been a naughty boy??)  
BOYCE: (dude shut up. i just wanna know about the message)  
PIKE: (oh:( yeah i dont wanna go down. people here are dying).  
BOYCE: Oh, I concur with you, definitely.  
PIKE: Good. I'm glad you do, because we're going to stop first at the Vega Colony and replace anybody who needs hospitalisation and also. (why is there ice in my martini) BOYCE: Who wants a warm martini?  
PIKE: (me, bitch.)> BOYCE: Sometimes a man'll tell his bartender things he'll never tell his doctor. What's been on your mind, Chris, the fight on Rigel Seven?  
PIKE: (yes. im an owo owo sad boiii,,,,,, ) BOYCE: Was there anything you personally could have done to prevent it?  
PIKE: (i should have foseen it,,,,,, now im saddd,,,,,) BOYCE: Chris, you set standards for yourself no one could meet. You treat everyone on board like a human being except yourself, and now you're tired and you  
PIKE:(im a sleeply boi, and i dont likeeee.) Boy, I've had it, Phil.  
BOYCE: (so you want to take a break) PIKE: (i wanna retire ) BOYCE: And do what?  
PIKE: ( i wanna go home and fuck my horses) BOYCE: Ah, that sounds exciting. Ride out with a picnic lunch every day.  
PIKE: I might go into business on Regulus or on the Orion colony.  
BOYCE: (you wanna be a pimp?) PIKE: (lmao it might be fun) BOYCE: Not for you. A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on, and licks it, or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.  
PIKE: Now you're beginning to talk like a doctor, bartender.  
BOYCE: Take your choice. We both get the same two kinds of customers. The living and the dying.  
SPOCK [on monitor]: Mister Spock here. (there are survivors. i wanna go talk to them( 

[Bridge]

GARISON: (reads) (yeah spock said it. theyre fine) PIKE: (lets talk to the crew)  
TYLER: (go for it)  
PIKE: This is the captain. Our destination is the Talos star group. Our time warp, factor seven.  
TYLER: (google maps is working).  
PIKE : (cool lets go)> TYLER: On course, sir.  
(Colt enters. Pike turns around and bumps into her)  
PIKE: Yeoman.  
COLT: Yes, sir.  
PIKE: I thought I told you that when I'm on the bridge  
COLT: But you wanted the reports by oh five hundred. It's oh five hundred now, sir.  
PIKE: Oh, I see. Thank you.  
ONE: She's replacing your former yeoman, sir.  
PIKE: (yeah but she has boobs and i cant handle it) (The Enterprise arrives at a planet)  
TYLER: (we're here) GEOLOGIST:(i have info on the rocks).  
SPOCK: (yeah but i got info on everything else)  
PIKE: (can we breathe)  
GEOLOGIST: (yes) PIKE: (too bad. will we at least get crushed by gravity) GEOLOGIST:(no) TYLER: Captain? Reflections, sir, from the planet's surface. As I read it, they polarise out as rounded metal bits. Could be parts of a spaceship hull.  
PIKE: Prep a landing party of six. You feel up to it?  
SPOCK: Yes, sir.  
TYLER: Yes, sir.  
PIKE: (sorry one i hate you stay on the ship) ONE: Of course, sir.

[Transporter room]

PIKE: There's no indication of problems down there, but let's not take chances.  
PITCAIRN: Yes, sir. There's a canyon to the left. We can set you there completely unobserved.

[Planet surface]

(the group explores until they find a rough settlement)  
GARISON:(dude come check this out) OLD MAN: (omg a human) PIKE: Captain Christopher Pike, United Space Ship Enterprise.  
HASKINS: Doctor Theodore Haskins, American Continent lnstitute.  
SURVIVOR: Is Earth all right?  
PIKE:( weird question but yeah i geuss) TYLER: And you won't believe how fast you can get back. Well the time barrier's been broken. Our new ships can  
(He's struck dumb by the sight of [boobs])  
HASKINS: This is Vina. (shes an orphan) (The reunion is being watched on another screen, by three [wack creepers])  
PIKE: (as the survivors pack up the settlement) Enterprise.  
ONE [OC]: (yeh waddup) PIKE: (get ready imma yeet some people at you).  
ONE [OC]: Quarters are being prepared, sir. Have I permission to send out scouting and scientific parties now?  
PIKE: (yes)  
VINA: (wow your'e hot i mma experiment on you).  
ONE [OC]: (wat)  
PIKE: Er,,,,,,,,,,,, HASKINS: (that was not weird at all)  
BOYCE: If they can spare you a moment, I'd like to make my medical report.  
VINA: (i will now say more creepy shit)  
BOYCE: Their health is excellent. Almost too good.  
HASKINS:(duh its too good everything is wack here) (Pike follows Vina up a slope to a ledge by a rock face)  
VINA: You're tired, but don't worry. (more creepy shit).  
PIKE:(wow that is really creepy pretty blond lady)  
VINA: (yes. it is almost as if that is the point of this scene)  
(Vina vanishes, and so do all the survivors and their encampment. A door opens in the rock face, Pike is knocked out and taken inside. At the settlement -)  
TYLER: Captain!  
(Everyone rushes over in time to see the door closing in the rock. They fire their phasers at it but it just blasts away the rock covering to show the metal underneath.)  
SPOCK: Spock here.  
ONE [OC]: Landing party, come in.  
SPOCK: There is no survivors' encampment, Number One. This is all some sort of trap. We've lost the Captain. Do you read?

[Pike's cage]

(Pike wakes to find himself in a cell with a transparent wall blocking his escape. He tests it's strength, and notices other similar occupied cells. There's a fanged ape, a giant bird and other scary shadows. The three aliens arrive)  
PIKE: Can you hear me? My name is Christopher Pike, commander of the space vehicle Enterprise from a stellar group at the other end of this galaxy. Our intentions are peaceful. Can you understand me?  
(the aliens communicate with their minds, not voices)  
TALOSIAN:(lmao humans are dumd)  
MAGISTRATE: (duh,,, he likes tits of course hes stupid. ) As you can read in its thoughts, it is only now beginning to suspect that the survivors and encampment were a simple illusion we placed in their minds.  
PIKE: (wow telepathic communication. since i am incapable of this and so is the rest of the federation, i find this immensely interesting)  
MAGISTRATE: (lmao hes so confused)  
PIKE: All right then, telepathy. You can read my mind. I can read yours. Now, unless you want my ship to consider capturing me an unfriendly act  
MAGISTRATE: (wow he's reacting like a threatened animal. its almost like is is, in fact, a threatened animal. predictability indicates stupidity) PIKE: If you were in here, wouldn't you test the strength of these walls, too? There's a way out of any cage, and I'll find it.  
MAGISTRATE: Despite its frustration, the creature appears more adaptable than our specimens from other planets. We can soon begin the experiment.

[Briefing room]

SPOCK: (i know everything now because so far thats my only assigned character trait).  
ONE: So we just thought we saw survivors there, Mister Spock.  
SPOCK: Exactly. An illusion placed in our minds by this planet's inhabitants.  
BOYCE: (wowzers thats impressive) ONE: (why'd they kidnap him tho)  
SPOCK: (i dont know why would i know their intentions)  
TYLER: Then why aren't we doing anything? That entry may have stood up against hand lasers, but we can transmit the ship's power against it. Enough to blast half a continent.  
SPOCK: (that sounds like a garbage idea) TYLER: (but what about the crews collective crush on him?????) ONE: (fair point. we'll do it anyway.) (SPOCK: we will all die omg youre stupid)

[Talosian monitoring room]

(As Pike continues to explore his cell)  
TALOSIAN: (everyones poking his brain, its pretty cool)  
MAGISTRATE: (he almost got murdered recently in a traumatic event. lets make him relive it for fun)

[Rigel Seven]

VINA: Come on, we must hide ourselves. Come, come. Hurry. It's deserted. There'll be weapons and perhaps food.  
PIKE: This is Rigel Seven.  
VINA: (no shit) Please, we must hide ourselves.  
PIKE: I was in a cage, a cell, in some kind of a zoo. I must still be there.  
VINA: (are you ignoring me?) Come on.  
PIKE: They've reached into my mind and taken the memory of somewhere I've been.  
VINA: (dude omg shut up) The killer!  
PIKE: It's starting just as it happened two weeks ago. Except for you.

[Fortress]

(The courtyard is scattered with lances and spears)  
PIKE: (why are you here?)  
(The killer enters - a big humanoid with shield and axe)  
VINA: Quick. If you attack while it's not looking.  
PIKE: But it's only a dream.  
VINA:(due youll be stabbed) br /> PIKE: You can tell my jailers I won't go along with it. I'm not an animal performing for its supper.  
VINA: (youll be stabbed anyway, stupid)  
(so Pike fights the killer with mace and shield)  
PIKE: Why would an illusion be frightened?  
VINA: Because that's the way you imagined me.  
PIKE: Who are you? You act as if this were really you.  
VINA: Careful.  
(Pike and Vina retreat up some stairs. The killer breaks Pike's spear and they throw objects at it. Pike gets knocked down into the courtyard. The killer grabs Vina and Pike throws a spear into it's back. Then it jumps down and spears itself on a wicked harpoon that Pike grabs just in time)

[Pike's cell]

VINA: It's over.  
(Vina hugs her hero, then sees the Talosians watching them. The Talosians leave.)  
PIKE: Why are you here?  
VINA: (cause sex)  
PIKE: Are you real?  
VINA: (wow rude much? but yes)  
PIKE: No, no. No, that's not an answer. I've never met you before, never even imagined you.  
VINA: (not my problem)  
PIKE: (you make no sense. why are you wearing that?)  
VINA: I have to wear something, don't I? I can wear whatever you wish, be anything you wish.  
PIKE: So they can see how their specimen performs? They want to see how I react, is that it?  
VINA: (dude forget it)br /> PIKE: Or do they do more than just watch me? Do they feel with me, too?  
VINA: You can have whatever dream you want. I can become anything, any woman you've ever imagined. You can have anything you want in the whole universe. Let me please you.  
PIKE: (tell me about them) Is there any way I can keep them from probing my mind, from using my thoughts against me? Does that frighten you? Does that mean there is a way?  
VINA: You're a fool.  
PIKE: Since you're not real, there's not much point in continuing this conversation, is there.

[Planet surface]

(A big laser cannon is aimed at the door in the rock.  
ONE: All circuits engaged, Mister Spock.  
SPOCK [OC]: (we're going to die)  
ONE: Take cover.  
SPOCK [OC]: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.  
(The laser cannon blasts away)  
ONE: Increase to full power! Can you give us any more?  
SPOCK [OC]: Our circuits are beginning to heat. We'll have to cease power.  
ONE: Disengage. The top of that knoll should have been sheared off the first second.  
BOYCE: Maybe it was. It's what I tried to explain in the briefing room. Their power of illusion is so great, we can't be sure of anything we do, anything we see.

[Pike's cell]

VINA: Perhaps if you asked me some questions, I could answer.  
PIKE: How far can they control my mind?  
VINA: (dude stop talking about that shit)  
PIKE: Perhaps.  
VINA: They can't actually make you do anything you don't want to do.  
PIKE: But they try to trick me with their illusions.  
VINA:(and they can stab you)  
PIKE: Did they ever live on the surface of this planet? Why did they go underground?  
VINA: War,   
PIKE: That's why it's so barren up there?  
VINA; (yuppers).  
PIKE: So the Talosians who came underground found life limited here and they concentrated on developing their mental power.  
VINA: But they found it's a trap. Like a narcotic. Because when dreams become more important than reality, you give up travel, building, creating. You even forget how to repair the machines left behind by your ancestors. You just sit, living and reliving other lives left behind in the thought record.  
PIKE: (wo dats some deep shit) Or sit probing minds of zoo specimens like me.  
VINA: You're better than a theatre to them. They create the illusion for you, they watch you react, feel your emotions. They have a whole collection of specimens, descendants of life brought back long ago from all over this part of the galaxy.  
PIKE: (.  
VINA: Please.  
PIKE: They'll need a pair of humans too. Where do they get intend to get the Earth woman?  
VINA: You said that if I answered questions  
PIKE: But that was a bargain with something that didn't exist. You said you weren't real, remember?  
VINA: I'm a woman as real and as human as you are. We're like Adam and Eve. If we. Don't. Please don't punish me! (disappears)  
(Pike sees the Magistrate walk away)  
(Pike continues to search the walls for a door when a hatch opens and a glass is placed on the floor)  
MAGISTRATE: (thats food)  
PIKE: Is the keeper actually communicating with one of his animals?  
MAGISTRATE: (eat the food)  
PIKE: And if I prefer  
MAGISTRATE: To starve? You overlook the unpleasant alternative of punishment.  
(Pike is surrounded by fire and brimstone, screaming in pain)  
MAGISTRATE: From a fable you once heard in childhood. You will now consume the nourishment.  
PIKE: Why not just put irresistible hunger in my mind? Because you can't, can you? You do have limitations, don't you?  
MAGISTRATE: If you continue to disobey, from deeper in your mind, there are things even more unpleasant.  
(Pike drinks the nourishment then launches himself at the glass wall. The Magistrate steps back in surprise)  
PIKE: That's very interesting.  
MAGISTRATE: Now to the female.  
PIKE: You were startled. Weren't you reading my mind then?  
MAGISTRATE: As you've conjectured, an Earth vessel did crash on our planet, but with only a single survivor.  
PIKE: No, let's stay on the first subject. All I wanted for that moment was to get my hands around your neck.  
MAGISTRATE: We repaired the survivor's injuries and found the species interesting.  
PIKE: Do primitive thoughts put up a block you can't read through?  
MAGISTRATE: It became necessary to attract a mate.  
PIKE: All right, all right, let's talk about the girl. You seem to be going out of your way to make her attractive, to make me feel protective.  
MAGISTRATE: This is necessary in order to perpetuate the species.  
PIKE: It seems more important to you now that I begin to accept her and like her.  
MAGISTRATE: We wish our specimens to be happy in their new life.  
PIKE: Assuming that's a lie, why would you want me attracted to her? So I'll feel love in a husband-wife relationship? That would be necessary only if you intend to build a family group or perhaps a whole human community.  
MAGISTRATE: (ok yeah besically after we stab the chick).  
PIKE: You mean properly punished! I'm the one who's not co-operating! Why don't you punish me?  
MAGISTRATE: First, an emotion of protectiveness. Now one of sympathy. Excellent.

(this scene is wack because its two people soliloquizing together)

[Woodland glade]

(A picnic spread on a tartan rug, two horses standing by, a futuristic city in the distance)  
VINA: You want some coffee, dear? I left the thermos hooked to my saddle.  
PIKE: Tango! You old devil, you. I'm sorry I don't have any sugar. Well, they think of everything, don't they? (feeds lumps to the horse)  
VINA: Hey, your coffee. Is it good to be home?  
PIKE: They read our minds very well. Home, anything else I want, if I co-operate, is that it?  
VINA: (stop theyll hurt me)   
PIKE: Look, I'm sorry they punish you, but we can't let them  
VINA: (shut UP)  
PIKE: It's funny. It's about twenty four hours ago I was telling the ship's doctor how much I wanted something else not very different from what we have here. An escape from reality. Life with no frustrations. No responsibilities. Now that I have it, I understand the doctor's answer.  
VINA: I hope you're hungry. These little white sandwiches are your mother's recipe for chicken tuna.  
PIKE: You either live life, bruises, skinned knees and all, or you turn your back on it and start dying. The doctor's going to be happy about one part, at least. He said I needed a rest.  
VINA: This is a lovely place to rest.  
PIKE: I used to ride through here when I was a kid. It's not as pretty as some of the parkland around the big cities, but. That's Mojave. That's where I was born.  
VINA: Is that supposed to be news to your wife? You're home. You can even stay if you want. Wouldn't it be nice showing your children where you once played?  
PIKE: These headaches, they'll be hereditary you know. Would you wish them on a child or a whole group of children?  
VINA: Foolish.  
PIKE: Is it? Look, first they made me protect you and then feel sympathy for you. Now we have these familiar surroundings and a comfortable husband-wife relationship. They don't need all this for just passion. What they're after is respect and mutual dependence.  
VINA: They say in the olden days all this was a desert. Blowing sand and cactus.  
PIKE: But we're not here, neither of us. We're in a menagerie, a cage!  
VINA: No.  
PIKE; I can't help either one of us if you won't give me a chance. Now, you told me once they used illusions as a narcotic. They couldn't repair the machines left by their ancestors. Is that why they want us, to build a colony of slaves?  
VINA: Stop it. Don't you care what they'll do to us?  
PIKE: Back in my cage, it seemed for a couple of minutes that our keeper couldn't read my thoughts. Do emotions like hate, keeping hate in your mind, does that block off our mind from them?  
VINA: Yes. They can't read through primitive emotions. But you can't keep it up for long enough. I've tried. They keep at you and at you year after year, tricking and punishing, and they won. They own me. I know you must hate me for that.  
PIKE: Oh, no. I don't hate you. I can guess what it was like.  
VINA: But that's not enough. Don't you see? They read my thoughts, my feelings, my dreams of what would be a perfect man. That's why they picked you. I can't help but love you and they expect you to feel the same way.  
PIKE: (on an unrelated note, you are pretty and have boobies. i think im in love))

[Talosian monitoring room]

PIKE [on monitor]: I was from the very first moment I saw you in the survivor's camp.  
TALOSIAN: A curious species. They have fantasies they hide even from themselves.  
VINA [on monitor]: I'm beginning to see why none of this has worked for you. You've been home, and fighting as on Rigel. That's not new to you, either. A person's strongest dreams are about what he can't do. Yes, a ship's captain, always having to be so formal, so decent and honest and proper. You must wonder what it would be like to forget all that.

[Open air party]

(A band plays, and a green woman dances sensuously)  
OFFICER: Nice place you have here, Mister Pike.  
(The dancer is -)  
PIKE: Vina? ORION: Glistening green. Almost like secret dreams a bored ship captain might have.  
OFFICER: Funny how they are on this planet. They actually like being taken advantage of. Suppose you had all of space to choose from, and this was only one small sample.  
ORION: Wouldn't you say it was worth a man's soul?  
(Pike gets up and leaves. The door he walks through turns into a rock wall. Then Vina is there, holding a blazing torch)

[Transporter room]

SPOCK: We've located a magnetic field that seems to come from their underground generator.  
GARISON: Could that be an illusion too?  
ONE: Now, you all know the situation. We're hoping to transport down inside the Talosian community.  
SPOCK: If our measurements and readings are an illusion also, one could find oneself materialised inside solid rock.  
ONE: Nothing will be said if any volunteer wants to back out.  
(Pitcairn energises but only Number One and Yeoman Colt dematerialise)  
SPOCK: (oh no the double x chromosomes! where will we get diversity)

[Pike's cage]

ONE: Captain! Captain.  
VINA: No! Let me finish!  
ONE: But we were a party of six.  
COLT: We were the only ones transported.  
VINA: (but i wanna heck you)  
PIKE: (grabbing Colt's laser pistol) They don't work.  
ONE: They were fully charged when we left. It's dead. (communicator) I can't make a signal. What is it?  
PIKE: Don't say anything. I'm filling my mind with a picture of beating their huge, misshapen heads to pulp, thoughts so primitive they black out everything else. I'm filling my mind with hate.  
VINA: How long can you block your thoughts? A few minutes, an hour? How can that help?  
COLT: Leave him alone.  
VINA: He doesn't need you. He's already picked me.  
COLT: (the fuck is going on)  
VINA: (your stupid)  
COLT: Offspring, as in children?  
ONE: Offspring as in he's Adam. Is that it?  
VINA: (and your boring).  
ONE: (shut up your old)  
(The Magistrate approaches the cell)  
VINA: It's not fair. I did what you asked.  
MAGISTRATE: Since you resist the present specimen, you now have a selection.  
PIKE: I'll break out of this zoo somehow and get to you. Is your blood red like ours? I'm going to find out.  
MAGISTRATE: Each of the two new specimens has qualities in her favour. The female you call Number One has the superior mind and would produce highly intelligent children. Although she seems to lack emotion, this is largely a pretence. She has often has fantasies involving you.  
PIKE: All I want to do is get my hands on you. Can you read these thoughts? Images of hate, killing?  
MAGISTRATE: The other new arrival has considered you unreachable but now is realising this has changed. The factors in her favour are youth and strength, plus unusually strong female drives.  
PIKE: You'll find my thoughts more interesting. Thoughts so primitive you can't understand. Emotions so ugly (stricken by pain)  
MAGISTRATE: Wrong thinking is punishable. Right thinking will be as quickly rewarded. You will find it an effective combination. (wow its like the ussr in here )  
(Magistrate leaves)  
ONE: Captain.  
PIKE: No. No, don't help me. I have to concentrate. They can't read through hate.

[Bridge]

SPOCK: Address intercraft.  
GARISON: Open, sir.  
SPOCK: This is the acting captain speaking. We have no choice now but to consider the safety of this vessel and the remainder of the crew. We're leaving. All decks prepare for hyperdrive. Time warp factor.  
TYLER: Mister Spock, the ship's controls have gone dead.  
(The lights go out)  
SPOCK: Engine room!  
GARISON: Open.  
SPOCK: Mister Spock here. Switch to rockets. We're blasting out.  
PITCAIRN [OC]: All systems are out, bridge. We've got nothing.  
TYLER: There's nothing. Every system aboard is fading out.

[Pike's cell]

(The group are apparently dozing when the Magistrate opens the hatch to get the laser pistols Pike dropped there. He grabs him and pulls him into the cage, and starts to throttle him)  
PIKE: Now you hold still, or I'll break your neck.  
VINA: Don't hurt them. They don't mean to be evil.  
PIKE: I've had some samples of how good they are.  
(the Talosian appears to be a vicious monster)  
PIKE: You stop this illusion, or I'll twist your head off. (it stops) All right, now you try one more illusion, you try anything at all, and I'll break your neck.  
MAGISTRATE: Your ship. Release me or we'll destroy it.

{Bridge]

(The senior officers have taken the navigation console apart)  
SPOCK: Nothing. But for the batteries we'd lose gravitation and oxygen.  
TYLER: The computers!  
(The monitor shows a montage of images - space capsules, the Moon, maps of Earth)  
TYLER: I can't shut it off. It's running through our library. Tapes, micro-records, everything. It doesn't make sense.  
SPOCK: Could be we've waited too long. It's collecting all the information stored in this fly. They've decided to swat us.

[Pike's cell]

VINA: He's not bluffing, Captain. With illusion they can make your crew work the wrong controls or push any button it takes to destroy your ship.  
PIKE:(yeah but theyre not stupid)  
(Pike hands the Magistrate over to Number One and picks up the laser pistols, firing them at the glass wall. Then he puts one to the Magistrate's head)  
PIKE: On the other hand, I've got a reason. I'm willing to bet you've created an illusion this laser is empty. I think it just blasted a hole in that window and you're keep us from seeing it. You want me to test my theory out on your head?  
(There is a hole in the window)  
COLT: Captain.  
(They all leave through the hole and get into the elevator to the surface)

[Planet surface]

(The top of the rocky knoll is split apart)  
PIKE: Make contact, Number One.  
ONE: They kept us from seeing this, too. We cut through and never knew it. Captain.  
(The communicator isn't working)  
MAGISTRATE: As you see, your attempt to escape accomplished nothing.  
PIKE: I want to contact our ship.  
MAGISTRATE: You are now on the surface where we wished you to be. With the female of your choice, you will now begin carefully guided lives.  
PIKE: And start by burying you?  
MAGISTRATE: That is your choice. To help you reclaim the planet's surface, our zoological gardens will furnish a variety of plant life.  
PIKE: Look, I'll make a deal with you. You and your life for the lives of these two Earth women.  
MAGISTRATE: Since our lifespan is many times yours, we have time to evolve you into a society trained to serve as artisans, technicians  
PIKE: Do you understand what I'm saying? You give me proof that our ship is all right, send these two back, and I'll stay with Vina.  
(Number One sets her laser pistol to overload)  
ONE: It's wrong to create a whole race of humans to live as slaves.  
MAGISTRATE: Is this a deception? Do you intend to destroy yourselves?  
VINA: What is that?  
PIKE: The weapon is building up an overload. A force chamber explosion. You still have time to get underground. Well, go on! (pushes Vina away) Just to show you how primitive humans are, Talosian, you go with her.  
VINA: If, if you all think it's this important, then I can't go either. I suppose if they have one human being, they might try again.  
(More Talosians arrive)  
PIKE: Wait.  
(Number One turns off the pistol)  
TALOSIAN: Their method of storing records is crude and consumed much time. Are you prepared to assimilate it?  
(The Magistrate nods, and the veins on his head throb)  
MAGISTRATE: We had not believed this possible. The customs and history of your race show a unique hatred of captivity. Even when it's pleasant and benevolent, you prefer death. This makes you too violent and dangerous a species for our needs.  
VINA: He means that they can't use you. You're free to go back to the ship.  
PIKE: And that's it? No apologies? You captured one of us, threatened all of us.  
TALOSIAN: Your unsuitability has condemned the Talosian race to eventual death. Is this not sufficient?  
MAGISTRATE: No other specimen has shown your adaptability. You were our last hope.  
PIKE: But wouldn't some form of trade, mutual co-operation?  
MAGISTRATE: Your race would learn our power of illusion and destroy itself too.  
ONE: Captain, we have transporter control now.  
PIKE: Let's get back to the ship.  
VINA: I can't. I can't go with you.

[Transporter room]

PITCAIRN: Sir, it just came on. We can't shut the power off.  
SPOCK: Mister Spock here.  
TYLER [OC]: All power has come on, Mister Spock. The helm is answering to control.  
(The transporter platforms light up and first Colt, then Number One are beamed aboard)  
GARISON: The captain?

[Planet surface]

(Vina changes into a scarred, misshapen older woman)  
VINA: You see why I can't go with you.  
MAGISTRATE: (yeah shes secretly ugly srry)  
VINA: They found me in the wreckage, dying. A lump of flesh. They rebuilt me. Everything works. But they had never seen a human. They had no guide for putting me back together.  
MAGISTRATE: It was necessary to convince you her desire to stay is an honest one.  
PIKE: You'll give her back her illusion of beauty?  
MAGISTRATE: And more.  
(Beautiful Vina and happy Pike go up the slope and into the elevator)  
MAGISTRATE: She has an illusion and you have reality. May you find your way as pleasant.

[Transporter room]

PITCAIRN: Mister Spock, the system is coming on again.  
(Pike is beamed aboard)  
COLT: What's happened to Vina?  
ONE: Isn't she coming with us?  
PIKE: No. No, and I agreed with her reasons.

[Bridge]

(Pike, Number One and Spock enter)  
BOYCE: Hold on a minute.  
PIKE: Oh, I feel fine, just fine.  
BOYCE: You look a hundred percent better.  
PIKE: You recommended a rest, a change of pace, didn't you? I've even been home. Does that make you happy?  
(He bumps into Colt again)  
PIKE: Yeoman.  
COLT: Yes, sir.  
PIKE: I thought I told you that when I'm on the bridge I  
(She hands him a clip-board stuffed with papers for his signature)  
PIKE: Oh. Oh yes. The reports. Thank you.  
COLT: Sir, I was wondering. Just curious. Who would have been Eve?  
ONE: Yeoman! You've delivered your report.  
COLT: Yes, ma'am. Yes, sir.  
TYLER: Eve, sir? Yes, sir.  
BOYCE: Eve as in Adam?  
PIKE: As in all ship's doctors are dirty old men. What are we running here, a (harem) Number One? Are we ready or not?  
ONE: All decks show ready, sir.  
PIKE: Engage.


End file.
